Here’s your Thanksgiving Day forecast:

Turkeys will thaw out in the morning, then warm in the oven to 350 degrees this afternoon. The kitchen will become hot and humid and if you bother the cook, there may be a squall. Later the cold front of the knife will slice through the turkey and cause it to accumulate one to possibly three inches on plates. Cranberry sauce will create slippery spots on one side of the plate, mashed potatoes will drift across the other. Butter will spread across some sections. A weight watch and an indigestion warning are in effect for the entire country. Later this evening clean-up operations will begin and the turkey will diminish to sandwiches, which will become colder during the night, inside the refrigerator. This weekend the turkey will taper off and end as leftovers. In some sections, of course, there will be a warming trend as soup develops.

GOBBLE GOBBLE